omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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