my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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