I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have post one night stand depression
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
