I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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