you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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