I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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