You really coming over, don't trick.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
