I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
