He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
