She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
