WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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