So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Randomize