Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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