no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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