so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
