That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
