I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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