she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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