please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
