through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
