You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
