There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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