i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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