I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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