To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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