It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He did a backflip because drugs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
