did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize