The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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