i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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