Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
