I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
