But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
