the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
