i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
