I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Its about making memories worth repressing
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
