I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
