You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
