Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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