how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
