does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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