I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
