Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
