Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
