I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
