my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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