I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its not stalking. its research.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
