I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cannot find my penis.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
