You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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