I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
