i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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