Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We got so high we made milksteak
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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