I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
