i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
