he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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