Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
