I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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