apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
