The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
