i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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