Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
