i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
