Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
