This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
