so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
