So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
