Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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