I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
