I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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