Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
