Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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