WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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