she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
