the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
