just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize