Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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