Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
