I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
