Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
