im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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