after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
