My sheets look like a crime scene.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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