Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
