She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
