I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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